This post doesn’t have anything to do with the typical content of this blog. However, I felt that it should be posted. Hell, it needs to be blasted all over the internet.
As you may know, my oldest daughter, Mary Harper, has been battling a rare pediatric cancer called Wilm’s Tumor. It attacks the kidneys and can spread quickly. When she was diagnosed in August 2017 she had stage 4 Wilm’s Tumor. Heartbreaking is an understatement. This journey has been absolutely the most difficult thing our family has ever had to endure.
There have been moments of complete uncertainty and fear. No parent should ever have to seriously think about what would happen if their child didn’t make it. We had conversations about all the “what if” scenarios we could think of. Probably not emotionally and mentally healthy, but I feel that you have to have those talks. Because WHAT IF those things actually happen???
Well, I am here to say…..
MARY HARPER FINISHED HER LAST (HOPEFULLY) CHEMO TREATMENT!!!!
This moment is a HUGE milestone in this journey. It’s been such a crazy 8 months. There have been moments where we didn’t know the day and we couldn’t remember what we had for breakfast.
Our idea of normal has drastically changed. It became normal for us to give an ungodly amount of medicine and shots to our 3 year old. It became normal for us to check her temperature every hour and hope she doesn’t have a fever. It became normal for us to worry about every ache and pain she has and try not to think the worst.
But my new normal has me scared even more.
I am extremely worried, anxious, and paranoid. I can’t help but think “What if it comes back?“, “What if she gets another cancer that’s worse?“, “What if our other daughter (who’s 9 months) has cancer or any illness?“, “What if I or my husband get cancer or an illness?”
So many what if questions…
The worrying and anxiety will never stop. I have kids. Any parent would worry. I’m trying so hard not to focus on all the uncertainty that lies ahead in this journey. Mary Harper finishing her treatment is huge!! She was a f@%&ing rock star throughout all of her treatment. Every milestone and challenge that came her way she showed it who was boss. Through all the nausea and night terrors, she remained positive, energetic, and bubbly.
All I’m saying is to enjoy every moment; all of them, good and bad. Try to think of the positives in every situation. Like, how your daughter smiles and giggles when it’s time to pick out a new silly hat to cover her bald head; or how excited she gets when she gets to take her medicine by herself; or how detailed and exact her pretend doctor play has become; or how she wouldn’t stop giving butterfly kisses even after her eyelashes fell out; or how she kept imagining what color her hair would be when it came back (BTW she wants rainbow hair); or how she plays with her baby sister and says “I hope she never gets to have a special spot“. (We called her 7 inch tumor her special spot.)
We forget how resilient kids are. They teach us so much. I always thought I knew who my heroes were. Then I had kids.
Cherish every moment. Love on your kids a little longer. Read them an extra story. Be with them. Truly be with them. And no matter what keep fighting like a princess.